–LiFe iN tHe rEaL wOrLd–

Another post originally written exactly 4 years ago, March 23, 2006.

No longer true, as we speak...

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Today is just another ordinary day. I woke up early this morning, took a bath with my eyes closed. (oh yeah, just so you’ll know, I have a talent of doing things even with my eyes shut, especially when it’s so early in the morning and I'm still very sleepy.) So anyway, I stayed an extra 10minutes inside the bathroom, instead of my usual 30-minute shower, it took me 40 minutes to finish this morning. But actually, there’s no big deal about that coz there were even times when it took me an hour or 2 to shower. Moving on, after taking a bath, I got dressed for work, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, and went on my way to our office. I work from 9am to 5:30pm Mondays to Fridays, then on Saturdays, 9am till 12noon.

I’m living a very routine life, home-work-home. I rarely go to the malls now because I have no one to accompany me and I don’t want to go malling alone. So ironic coz when I was in college, you can see my face in Ayala Mall for like every afternoon. But now, I can say my work became my life. I love my job, there’s no doubt about that. No matter how pressured I am especially when I do several things on my own, no matter how many mistakes I commit, and no matter how paranoid I become when there’s a problem, still I strive to overcome them all because in the end, I learn so many things, and they’re all worth it. Knowledge and experience are priceless treasures, and I want to have more of them. Yet sometimes I ask myself,"Now that you have a job, your own money, and your own life, are you happy?"

What surprises me is that I can’t be sure of my answer. There were times when I just lie down on my bed, alone in my room, and then tears start to fall. It was then when I realized that there’s a sadness within me, it has always been there no matter how loud I laugh. And until now, I still can’t figure out the reason for this feeling of sorrow. Is it becoz I'm living alone here in Cebu, my Mom and Ate are in Bohol, my other sister is in the US, and my Dad is in heaven? Yeah, most probably… or is it becoz I miss and haven’t seen my barkada in high school and college for quite a long time now? Yeah, perhaps… One thing’s for sure, I hate being alone, but that’s what I am now; or at least that’s what I feel… :(